• Heather Graham

A kinky lifestyle

Updated: Sep 22

Getting a porn addiction at any age can be tough, but when it starts in primary school it can lead to quite an adventurous sex life.


Natasha Morris, 21, was only six years old when she discovered porn. After getting curious about what a naked man would look like, a quick Google search showed her far more than she anticipated. From then on, Natasha slipped into a very sexualised world and this shaped the rest of her life.


She thinks watching porn from a young age allowed her to be more open with herself sexually and the direction she was heading in.

She first physically started exploring kinky sex with her current boyfriend a few years ago. Before then, it had all just been on the internet or in her head. Once they had sex for the first time, she realised this was a lifestyle she wanted, and it wasn’t just a porn fantasy.


“We were having threesomes, foursomes and orgies before we were together properly. Then we decided we wanted to be in a throuple relationship so we could have threesomes all the time – but not with a random.”


A throuple is just adding another person to the relationship, where everyone has sex with each other and mostly at the same time, Netflix even has a comedy focused on it called You Me Her. Unfortunately, it wasn't as easy as the TV show made it out to be, they couldn't find someone who wanted to come for the nightly romps and also stay for the morning breakfast. They eventually gave up their search as they had spent too long only in each other’s company.


“We had been exploring with a lot of sex toys, BDSM, sex dungeons, attended sex clubs and kink raves... I like public sex, it's a little bit of naughtiness.”

Due to the varying intensity of her sex life, Natasha and her partner are careful and use safe words.


“Consent is essential in any relationship but if you’re role-playing or using BDSM there’s more chance of it getting too much for someone, which is why safe words are so important.”

Consent

To go from casual sex to a full relationship is not a common path to take, and Natasha appreciates this. She thinks it has worked out perfectly for them because their sex life works around their relationship, rather than being something they still need to figure out.


“We were swingers at first and then it turned into a submissive/dominant relationship, it definitely wasn’t boyfriend and girlfriend. We’re trying to have a normal relationship right now but it’s still a little like before.”


She thinks most people wouldn’t be able to tell what kind of relationship she is in without her disclosing it because the couple doesn't act kinky in public.


“He doesn’t boss me around in front of people or is abusive or aggressive, he’s just very dominant and I’m very submissive to him in private. But if he is too dominant all I need to do is ask him to tone it down, everyone’s situations and boundaries are different.”



She believes 50 Shades of Grey gave BDSM relationships a bad name.


“The concept is really sexy, but it’s more embarrassing than anything.”

The first film in the 50 Shades of Grey franchise grossed just over £438 million worldwide, so it really has allowed people who would normally be content with vanilla sex to explore other options, however the result isn’t always so great.

“It puts BDSM in a terrible light. Now you’ve got all these couples buying furry handcuffs calling it BDSM. I bet very few of them have been in situations like I have.”


She thinks people believe it’s cool and edgy to label themselves kinky if they like being spanked and choked, but she thinks most people enjoy that and being kinky should be reserved for people who get into the specifics.


“It’s about being into genuine kinks, sub and dom, being smacked about with bruises everywhere, brutal anal, dildo machines... I don’t think I’m the kinkiest person ever, but I will try anything once.”

With so many more people delving into the world of kink, Natasha thinks it’s more important than ever that everyone treats each other with respect. A few recent murder trials are even using a ‘rough sex gone wrong’ defence, which Natasha is appalled at.


“I think everyone should know about consent, personally I believe it should be taught in schools to help prevent sexual assault – a lot of people don’t even think your partner can sexually assault you.”


As she looks far into the future, she can’t see herself stopping this kind of sex, no matter how old she gets.


“The keepers behind sex shop tills are usually quite old. When I was at a sex club in Germany there were a lot of older people there, employees and attendees alike.”

She has only positive things to say about sex clubs and their role in society.


“It’s probably the safest place because you don’t need to participate, you can just go and watch. There are people there similar to bouncers, making sure everything is happening safely. There are wipes, condoms, towels, showers, it’s absolutely great to be honest.”

She acknowledges that this lifestyle is not the most common but that she does not pass judgement onto others.


“If you want to have sex to Coldplay at nine o’clock at night in the missionary position for three minutes, that’s fine, but don’t judge me if I’m not going to judge you.”

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